Should I ask out my dream girl?

So, my coolest discovery today is a new website called Hunch.com. Essentially, you can ask it any question and it will help you make a decision.

By answering ten questions, Hunch compiles your answers and gives you a percentage. For example, I asked the question “Should I ask out my dream girl?”

89 percent can be pretty persuasive.

Check it out, ask it a few questions, or choose from the pre-selected queries by topic. Trust me, you’ll like it… it’s a hunch.

Filed under: Humor

I’ve officially entered battle…

There’s a special spot in my heart for fictionalized stories that include real people, acquaintances and friends. Likely, it’s because that used to be my writing genre of choice during my high school days.

Regardless, it’s come back to bite me, and I can’t say that I’ve been more pleased. My improv teammate David Wirt just published the fifth part of his improv battle series and pits me against Tyler Langford. Enjoy the read:

The dull smell of humanity breathed gently, pressed by the breeze onward, entwined with the blare of brass horns and the chuff of horses straining against bridles.

Sunlight gleams through pennants and banners, proudly emblazoned with the images of animals that most of the assembled crowd had never, nor would ever, see.

A squat man in a multi-colored jerkin and a floppy hat several sizes too big for his head steps forward from a shaded lean-to with an inflated sense of self-importance that is only slightly diminished by his woefully itchy tights.

Filed under: Humor

How long would a dolphin last in a sea of lemonade?

My professor for Modern Western Culture gave us an odd challenge Tuesday for extra credit: he asked us to contact Sea World and ask how long a dolphin could last in a sea of lemonade.

Here’s the e-mail I sent to SeaWorld:

Hi, I know it’s an odd request, but my humanities professor at Lee University in Cleveland, TN was talking about Charles Fourier in class. Fourier said that he believed the seas would one day desalinize into lemonade. Our professor, Jason Wolfe, challenged us to find out how long a dolphin would last in Lemonade for extra credit. Is there any estimate or idea? Please e-mail me back. Thank you for your help, -Harrison

During class today I received the following response:

Filed under: Humor

We’re guaranteed a spouse at Lee, aren’t we??

Lee University’s spring theater production is about me.

I just found that out a few days ago, when I was peering at the upcoming schedule.

Now, before you begin ranting about how egotistical I am, let me tell you, I didn’t ask for this; it surprised me just as much as it has you.

There it was on the college calendar, premiering on April 3 at the Dixon Center: “An Ideal Husband.”

What am I supposed to do now? If Lee’s going to reveal my secret to the whole campus, I might as well audition for the one-man-show.

After all, how could I not be chosen? That would be like refusing to cast Elvis if he tried out for a biographical flick about his career.

Filed under: Humor

I’m single!?

I just made a major decision.

It took me more than three years to do it, and now that I have, I’m not sure what exactly to expect.

I changed my relationship status from blank to “Single.”

One word. And I’ve been afraid of it for so long.

But what does it mean for me? Probably nothing.

I know, I know, this is Lee. I should have posted a relationship status on the first day of my freshman year. This is a campus where a man may pursue a lady, not the other way around.

Perhaps that means that nothing will change. Or maybe things could turn around…

But why would I do this? What would prompt me, possibly one of the least-committed people in the world, to indicate that I’m “single?”

If I haven’t been able to handle a relationship in the last three, okay, 21 years, then what makes me eligible now?

It was a whim. A whim based on an underlying cognitive and uncoordinated trend that has been ripped out of a theoretical construct in some textbook somewhere.

So, I’m back at Lee. When at Lee, do as the Flames do.

Filed under: Digitalism, Humor